Some people look at me being a single mom and say "Whoa! Wait! How can she give any advice on apostolic love, dating and marriage?"
Well, let's just say I'm experienced with what one shouldn't do. At least until God got ahold of me! I know how the world perceives dating and marriage. And, having turned back to living for God, I can tell you where the world gets it wrong, and where the Bible gets it right! I just happened to get one really awesome daughter in the process. :)
APOSTOLIC DATING 101--
how the world gets it wrong:
Dating, as fun as the world makes it sound, is NOT a game and should be taken very seriously. When people casually date, someone always gets hurt in the end when they break up. Then, so they don't feel so left alone, they look for the next person to date, and the cycle repeats itself. This emotional cycling of infactuation, then tearing apart ends up leaving its victims in emotional duress. After a number of times, a person can become desensitized. They will have become emotional "ice cubes", either unwilling or unable to show emotion in an attempt at self preservation. This is not how God wants us to be!
APOSTOLIC DATING 101--
GOD'S WAY:
As an apostolic, the world of dating is way different. People in the church should ONLY DATE as a form of courtship, when both parties are mentally and spiritually ready to discuss the idea of marriage. This is usually where I get the "looks" again. But, it's true. The world makes it look fun, enticing, and claim that they fall "in and out" of love all the time. But that is only the spirits of lust and infactuation.
To love someone, you must first feel and understand God's love for you. And then, when two people fall in love, they don't casually date. They enter into courtship. This is SERIOUS.
Marriage, in the eyes of God, is two joining as one. And it is for life. Only when you are ready to make that commitment should you think about "dating". If you can't handle the thought of getting married just yet, then you shouldn't date just yet either!
APOSTOLIC DATING 101--
PROTOCOLS:
There are some good ideas or standards applied to dating in order to keep your eyes on God and not falling into traps set by satan.
1. Group dates are great! It alleviates the need (in most cases) for chaperones, and allows you to relax and have fun instead of focusing on how the date is going.
2. Chaperones: and I heard some groans... Chaperones are responsible adults whose job is to let you go on a more intimate date and learn about each other-- without the pressures of caving in to fleshly desires.
3. Limited use of texts and calling: Limiting texting and calling serves several purposes.
First, some couples practically live for each other on the phone via texting and calling. This really elevates their relationship to becoming almost idolatrous. We're supposed to spend time talking with God, too! If you're on the phone constantly, talking, texting, or waiting for the other person to call or text, you're wasting your time. You are taking time away from your family, daily activities, and most importantly, GOD.
What time are you really devoting to nurture your relationship with God? Does He still come first? Is He still the one you think of when waking up and going to sleep?
Secondly, no one's talking dirty! Remember, we are supposed to abstain from "filthy communication".
"But now ye also put off all these; anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy communication out of your mouth." Col. 3:8
Thirdly, it sets boundaries. Making "me" time separate from "us" time is important. Laying out a timeframe makes sure you have time for God, family, friends, work, etc.
4. A great way to communicate is through email. Or even better yet, through regular mail. It is a way to learn about someone, give them your undivided attention, and "romance" them. ;) It also ensures that you put thought into what you say before you say it.
5. Limit physical touching. A hug will be fine, holding hands, but otherwise, don't do it! You do Not want one thing leading to another!
APOSTOLIC DATING 101--
PREPARATION FOR DATING:
***First and foremost, we need to be committed and totally "souled out" to JESUS. if you aren't, it's time to take a step back and get your priorities straight! Only those that are baptized in JESUS Name, Holy Ghost - filled, speaking in tongues, and a prayer warrior seeking God at the altar need apply! If they can't be devoted to God, they sure can't be devoted to you!***
Just as in any relationship, God wants full commitment from each of us, not a "weekend warrior". We need to be strong in faith, be passionate about God, and have a desire to please Him more than anyone else.
We cannot and should not entrust our salvation to anyone but God. If a man or woman becomes your excuse to miss church, then you better ditch them quick and focus on your spiritual walk with God!
APOSTOLIC DATING 101--
WATCH FOR FALLING ROCKS!:
The devil knows how each of us thinks and operates, and he will throw any stumbling block he can to stop you working for God, including dangling promises of love and commitment in front of you. As nice as it is to feel "loved", if a man or woman is a distraction, either physically or spiritually, chances are they aren't a gift from God but a trap from the devil.
APOSTOLIC DATING 101--
WHAT SINGLE WOMEN SHOULD LOOK FOR:
As a woman, we need a spouse/helpmate that compliments us, that is strong where we are weak. He, himself, needs to have an exceptionally close and strong relationship with God as well. We need men that are stronger than us, spiritually, because they are the head of the woman and of the household.
The woman must be under submission of the man, so long as he is following God. If a man is NOT under the submission of his pastor, then I can pretty much guarantee that he's not under the submission of God.
Make sure he has the means to support you and any potential future kids. A daddy that is in his kid's life is awesome. But if he's around with the pretense of not wanting to get a job, not cute. Time to raise your hand up high and yell "Check please!"
If his faith is not as strong as it needs to be, and his walk with God is not as close as it needs to be, how can they be a leader of their own house, let alone lead us into a closer walk with God? Ditch that dude, quick! A man that is not passionate and on fire for God is not only not of marriage material to us. He's not marriage material to God either.
APOSTOLIC DATING 101--
WHAT SINGLE MEN SHOULD LOOK FOR:
Guys, the same applies to you. You need a wife that compliments your spiritual walk, not hinders it. From Adam's rib came Eve. Not to be a hinderance, but to help Adam.
The Bible also says for men to love your wives as your own flesh. Perhaps, this is because when a couple is married and joined as one, the man's "rib" has rejoined him to complete his body.
If a woman is a distraction, physically or spiritually, run! A woman in church should be clothed in modesty and holiness. Her dress shouldn't be hugging more curves than a racecar driver at the Daytona-500. If you can't take your eyes off of her, and it's all for the wrong reasons, stay away!
Samson, the strongest man to ever live, was no match to lusts of the flesh, so don't think you'd be any different. Living for God doesn't mean you're impervious to lusts of the flesh.
A good woman should love God and put Him first before all else, family included. She will have put her heart in the hands of God. She is His daughter. A man needs to meet with GOD, and petition Him for her hand in marriage. The Father won't let just anyone marry His daughter. The potential suitor needs to be approved in order for God to give His blessing. Anything else is not living within the will of God.
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